Understanding the root causes of childrens’ behaviour
When trying to manage behaviour which has become disruptive for your family, it is helpful to try and understand where this behaviour is coming from. What are the underlying factors? What purpose is it serving for your child?
Could there be a need for attention? Sibling rivalry, demanding, whining and silly ‘over the top’ behaviour may be a bid for any old attention in the absence of positive ‘strokes’. Children will go for negativity if that’s all that is on offer. Of course some children gain plenty of positive attention in the form of warm interaction, and like sponges need more and more, including a good old conflict with a parent.
Another root cause can be a need for control. Children may feel insecure, unsure of where they stand and where the boundaries lie. Inconsistencies in parenting, either as a result of one parent changing their mind regularly about discipline or parents not agreeing on a common approach can cause these wobbly children seeking a secure boundary to be placed around them. Parental distress and family traumas can also cause these issues. In these cases children will be wanting to call the shots to test out if the parent(s) will make a stand and be the warm, compassionate but clear and strong leader(s) they desire. Children cry out for this!
Other underlying causes may include poor understanding of parental expectations or lack of ability and skills to do what has been asked of them. Parents very often need to change the way they communicate with their child if they wish to see improvements.
Copy-cat behaviour can be the reason some families are in crisis. If parents long for calm and respectful children, a good start is an examination of their own interaction with other people. Children will pick up ways of communicating from their role models at home.
Whatever the problem, Mandy can support parents/carers to address these and other issues and start to make a difference with behaviour. Contact Mandy for a chat about her services.